Friday, May 20, 2011

I love you, I love you, I love you...I do.

I have a new bestie. She's starting to look a lot like me. We spend most every second of our day together and we're beginning to form a legit relationship. It's been very one-sided lately. I give, give, give and she takes, takes, takes. But now, she's beginning to open up a bit. I think she digs me. A new found trust has emerged, and I think she's finally realizing that no matter what I will fix it. I will jump in front of a train if I have to, but I will fix it and make it all okay.

I couldn't really pin-point my exact thoughts on the first six months of motherhood. I liked it and without saying, loved my child, but I was feeling a void somewhere.

There are a lot of people out there that could do the newborn phase 10 times over. I would like to give it one more go and then call it a finalized family of four plus the grey four-legger.

Today I read Hollywood Housewife. She nailed it for me. It was refreshing to hear someone else shares my same feelings. And I think there is a fog postpartum that can linger. I think my clouds are parting and the fog is clearing. The feeling of complete isolation is fading away and a different kind of relationship is blooming.

Seven months is when bliss set-in for me. Total and utter bliss. This little baby turned into a little person. She has a personality. She giggles. She scrunches her nose and breathes heavily when she wants my attention. She looks for the dog as soon as she gets out of her crib. She knows her name. She is delighted when Dad gets home from work. She has favorite toys. She loves her bathtime routine and lights up when we sing the bathtime song. She is very proud of herself when she stands herself up. She can hold her sippy cup and finds it amusing when she actually gets the water to come out. She looks for me when she can't see me. This is the part I love. This, I could do over again and again and again. She just exudes her dad and me. It pours out of her. I'm positive she is ours. And positively smitten about her. I think a chunk of wanting a child is seeing yourself and your spouse in them. It's selfish, but unavoidable.

As Laura said, this will be a season I remember.


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